After my brother’s suicide I was thrown into a world that had been completely turned upside down. Confused, terrified, furious, and utterly devastated I took to writing as a way to help me sort and release the heavy confusion of erratic emotions. I started to write out the story of the events as they unfolded through my eyes, my thoughts and my feelings. In this time of tragedy I felt it was important for me to be brutally honest with myself. This has been and remains to be a tremendous and extremely slow-moving work in progress. I had never intended to share this with anyone, but somewhere along my journey that changed. The notion that my experience with suicide might be able to shed light on a topic that is still, sadly, taboo, help someone through a similar situation, and let people in, in a way I never have, gave me the courage to put it out there. Nothing that I have written is intended to hurt or offend, although I am not naive to the fact that it may. As I said before this is entirely MINE and the one thing I will not do is apologize for my feelings.